


But I Thought...?

by cantthinkofausername_B_Pike



Series: Carry On Countdown 2017 [9]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Break Up, Carry On Countdown, F/M, Flowers, I would tag 'angst' but it's not really, Miscommunication, certainly not fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 09:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12908667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantthinkofausername_B_Pike/pseuds/cantthinkofausername_B_Pike
Summary: Simon brings Agatha flowers, and things don't quite go the way he expects.Carry On Countdown Day 9: Flowers





	But I Thought...?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys so I love Agatha but let's be real she's a little bitch. Also Simon is clueless. Just a short little alternate Simon/Agatha breakup.

I stand outside The Cloisters and nervously readjust the bouquet of roses in my hands. Agatha asked me to go out with her tonight, and as we haven’t been out in a while, I thought I should bring her something to apologize.

I’m beginning to regret it now. I feel slightly ridiculous, standing outside her dormitory with flowers like I’m in a Hallmark movie. My palms are sweaty, and the thorns on the roses are poking my fingers. The flowers are beautiful though, a red so deep the center almost looks black in the half-light of the evening. I hope she likes them.

Almost fifteen minutes later, Agatha walks out. She looks stunning, but she always does. I’d almost say she looks nervous, but I don’t know why she would be. We’ve been together for almost three years.

“Hey – um, hello. You look beautiful,” I say, holding out the flowers.

She doesn’t take the flowers, or ask me why they’re there, or anything else. She just looks into my eyes, and I can tell something’s wrong. “Simon, we need to talk.”

And that’s the breakup line. I know it is, it’s the most clichéd line in the book. But for some reason it doesn’t click. Agatha and I are endgame, after all. The golden girl and the Chosen One. I know we are; everyone’s always said so. So I don’t say anything, because I don’t quite understand why my endgame is using the breakup line on me. She can’t be actually breaking up with me. (Can she?)

“Did you hear me, Simon?” Agatha asks, and she’s a little irritated and a little concerned and a lot something else there isn’t a word for. Almost regretful, but happier.

“Oh. Yeah, I did. Sorry.”

Agatha gently pushes the roses I’m still holding out back towards me. “We can’t be together anymore.”

Somehow, I hadn’t put the obvious pieces together, and I’m floored. “But we’re endgame?” I say, and it comes out more like a question.

“I can’t be your endgame, Simon. I love you, but not like that.”

Ever since we were fifteen, this has been what I was fighting for. The World of Mages, yes, and the Mage, but every time I have to act as the Mage’s weapon, I’m fighting for my future. And I’d always pictured that future with Agatha. All of my confusion and latent jealousy rises to the surface. I don’t mean to say anything, but I need to know. “Is this because of Baz?” My words don’t sound angry or confused, instead they’re defeated. 

She laughs sadly. “No. I liked him for a while, but I don’t think it was ever me for him.”

I’m hurt, but I don’t know why. It’s not because Agatha liked someone else. For some reason, I’m less bothered by that than I should be. “Then, why?”

“Because I haven’t loved you that way for a while now. I don’t want to be endgame; I don’t want to be expected. And I think that’s why I liked Baz, because he was exactly what everyone didn’t expect from me. You’re magic, Simon, and I think you’ve always known how I feel about magic.”  
I have. Agatha’s always happiest when she’s with her Normal friends. She’s at Watford, but I think she’d do better in a Normal school. I can’t imagine living without my magic, but I don’t think Agatha wants hers. 

Words normally escape me, and they’re not any more helpful now. I nod. “Okay.”

“That’s it? You’re not mad? Or upset?” She wrinkles her brow.

I don’t know how to explain it. I am upset. Who wouldn’t be? But things between us have been ending for a while now, especially since I saw her with Baz in the woods last year. This isn’t the shock it could have been, I realize. I haven’t felt the same way about her for a long time, but I held out because I thought one day, I would again. I didn’t think she deserved to be broken up with when she hadn’t done anything wrong. Agatha is just doing what I couldn’t. What needed to be done. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting, though.

“No.” I shrug.

“Thank you. For understanding,” she says softly. 

We stand in awkward silence for a moment (am I supposed to say something?) before she turns and walks back inside The Cloisters. I trudge back to Mummers House through the shadows of the evening, the flowers still dangling, lifelessly, from my hand.

 

***

 

I was counting on the quiet of the room to sort out my thoughts, but I’d forgotten about Baz.

“I thought you were supposed to be out tonight,” Baz says, not looking up from his homework. I don’t say anything, just stand in the doorway, so he turns his head. “Oh. What happened?” He’s not mocking me like he usually does, and I’m surprised but grateful.

“Agatha broke up with me.” I drop the flowers into the trash bin, and they fan out, covering the rim with rose blossoms. I sit on the edge of my bed and try to memorize the pattern on the carpet, hoping it can drown out my mind.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and he really does sound sorry. “Is there anything…?”

At another time, I would’ve shouted at him. _Yeah, you could’ve not tried to steal her from me!_ But right now, I’m too tired. Right now, it doesn't matter. All I do is shake my head and curl up into a ball on my bed. All I think is that this is the first time Baz and I have acted like friends.

And what a shame that is.


End file.
